[Not-Advice] The Last Trimester of Pregnancy or The Home Stretch

Ok, so this is when I actually started thinking about the end of pregnancy and the start of Mom-Hood.  Even though I look back on it and wish that I had thought about it before, I didn't, really.

All the standard newsletter advice that I got was pretty useful for me: take a birthing class, take parenting classes if you never babysat, write a birth plan,start prepping your house for the baby, etc.  Yep, do those.

I won't say much about the third trimester itself, but I do want to share a few things.  It's a lot to think about, yes, but these are the important things that I took away from my first birth that I would do differently (or would do just the same way) with the next one.

1. Consider getting a Birth Doula. Back in the days of our parents, Doulas didn't really exist.  Your doctor or midwife and the nursing staff was right there with you and (hopefully) your partner for the majority of the labor and delivery process.  You didn't really NEED doulas then.  Now, however, your doctor might check on you a few times during the labor process, but you probably won't see them much until it's time to push.  Midwives are likely much more active in the process (I didn't have one), but unless you talk through that with your midwife ahead of time, you shouldn't expect them to be with you every second.  And the nursing staff?  Well, they have your safety in mind, not necessarily your comfort and happiness.

What does a Doula give you? Well, they give you an on-the-spot resource for you and your partner through every moment of labor.  Before they show up in person, they help you on the phone.  And once they're there, they're your cheering section, your guide, another partner, a reference book, and a stand-in for the warm fuzzy feelings your mom gives you (without the drama or heartache - as my mom said - "It's VERY hard to watch your child in pain.  I'd rather not be there unless you need me to be there.").  Our hospital has a doula program where you only had to pay $350.00 for 10 hours of doula time (and $45/hour thereafter).  That is a STEAL.  And since our doula had worked with the hospital forever, they all knew her and loved her (which also meant that she smoothed a lot of things over for me and that was awesome).

2. Think about After-Care.  Is your husband/partner staying home from work with you for a few days, weeks, or months?  If he (or she, but for ease of typing, I'll just say he) can't, think about getting help - either from your support network or from a postpartum doula.  I was lucky and I had all the help I could handle for BabyQ - Mike stayed home for 2 weeks, and then a good friend gifted me two weeks of postpartum doula care, and then my sister came out to visit for a week, and then I had my mom...  I also felt that for my sanity, it was important to balance having help with figuring out how to do it on my own.  I needed to feel capable just as much as I needed the extra set of hands.  But I'd strongly advise thinking through who might be able to help you out during those first few weeks of post-partum care ahead of time.  And DON'T be afraid to ask for help.

 3.  Think about the Hospital Stay.  If you're giving birth at home or a birthing center, this does not apply to you. :-)  If, however, you do give birth in a hospital, think about what you want to get out of your stay.  You'll be there for two to five nights on average (two for a vaginal birth, five for a c-section), and I felt like I didn't get as much as I could have out of that time.  Next time, I'll think ahead.  First - get a dougnut (to sit on) right away.  You don't have to use it, you may not need it, but I find that it's great to have if you want it.  Second - all those supplies they give you in the hospital for YOUR care (cream, wipes, pads, disposable underwear, even a sitz bath), you can to take home.  The hospital bills your insurance for them as part of your stay and it's really nice not to have to run to the store for them.  Also, ask your hospital to have your prescriptions filled for you before you leave - most have a pharmacy attached that you can get concierge service from.  Ours was run by Walgreens.  I paid a co-pay, and they delivered it to my room.  That was awesome.  Last, and MOST IMPORTANT, if you decide to breastfeed (or think you even want to try it), get as much time/help as you possibly can from the hospital lactation consultants.  Some hospitals send the LC on rounds to you, others make you ask for them.  ASK FOR THEM!  Have them help you.  Ask all the questions you can think of.  Get them to show you multiple holds (even if you've found one that is working for you) - especially reclined holds and lying down holds.  Our LC even gave me extra tubes of lanolin and the cooling gel pads for my nipples, which was AWESOME.

Also - if you feel like they jipped you on the food, don't be afraid to call and ask for more food.  Seriously.

4.  Think ahead about that First Night Home.  So you packed your hospital bags? Great.  Also think about that first night home, and prepare for that, too, just like you would for a hospital stay.  A couple of easy to prepare meals that won't go bad in your fridge, extra diapers/wipes/clothes.  Ibuprophen.  Set up the pack n play, bassinet, co-sleeper, etc, so that you don't have to do it when you get home.  Put your car seat in your car ahead of time.  (We left it in our car for the last month of my pregnancy.)  And for anything else, there is Amazon's two-day shipping - feel free to shop from the hospital and it will be waiting for you when you get home. :-)

Well, now that I've written all the pregnancy "Not-Advice" that I can initially think of, at least in order to create a placeholder, I figured I'd give an update into the real-life.  (The last trimester post is scheduled in the next few days.)

I made a guest post over at ShrinkGeek about my journey back to fitness in my postpartum body.  It's just an introduction.  I'll be posting more about that journey over there, as it progresses.

BabyQ is extremely adorable right now.  It's an awesome age - he is just starting to wave, and selectively give kisses, and it's all very cute.  He is also really enjoying rattles and anything else he can use to make noise (as evidenced by this photo stream from the other night, with Mike's snare drum).

[Not-Advice] The Second Trimester of Pregnancy

So you've made it through the first trimester.  That's the worst when it comes to statistical risk of loss, and maybe at this point you've started telling people about the fact that you're expecting.  You might have started to show and are finding it harder to hide it.

On hiding it/showing it/etc: For some reason EVERYONE wants to be the person who "knew you were pregnant" before you told them.  I think I've done it to friends, and goodness knows, MANY friends did it to me.  It will probably IRRITATE THE HELL OUT OF YOU, or at least it irritated the hell out of me.  Looking back on it, I did give some "hints" away and here are the things that worked/didn't work:
- start wearing looser clothes before you get to the point where you NEED to wear looser clothes - mix it up with tighter clothes so that as you gradually shift to all looser items no one notices as much.
- all "maternity" clothes are OBVIOUS to anyone who has ever worn them.  So even if you think you can get away with it, it's a sure signal to someone who is watching you.
- be SNEAKY about alcohol use - if you normally have a glass at dinner, not having a glass will be obvious.  I had lots of "migraines requiring medications" early in my pregnancy, and M and I did a lot of glass-switching.  I also took non-alcoholic beer to parties and put it in a beer cozy.
- in the end, at least half of the people who tried to tell you "they knew it!" really didn't.  Fume about it to your partner, gripe, but remember that they couldn't have really known unless they asked you - they just suspected.

Other things to start doing in the second trimester:
Really, this is the trimester where you are SUPPOSED to feel the best.  If you have no other kids, this is the best time to get in those baby-moons - you'll feel the best, be able to sleep in strange places the best, and enjoy them the best.

Also, start watching the deal sites for maternity clothes and other things: babysteals.com, mamabargains.com, zulily, totsy.  Those are the biggies.  Maternity clothes are EXPENSIVE, and my advice to you is to try to borrow them if you can, and get them at a discount if you can't.  Some Ross's carry them, and some kids consignment stores do, too.  Otherwise, you might find them at Goodwill.  A couple of high quality items to wear out for baby showers and nice dinners will make you feel tons better when you're in the thick of the pregnancy.

[Not-Advice] So you found out that you're pregnant...

Since I'm using this blog to stash my own "advice" e-mails for friends, they don't really start before the 12th week of pregnancy, but I figured I should create one for that first trimester and stick it here.  You know, just in case. 

First and Foremost, just to get this out of the way:
This blog is really just about what worked for me - it's a collection of things I heard (from my doctor, my family, well-meaning co-workers, etc.), so you should always do what works for you - especially what is safe and reasonable for you.  This is not meant to be a strict guideline.  I am not a doctor.  What worked for me may not work (or be safe) for you.  Don't be stupid, use common sense, and think. :-)  Hopefully my insights on my pregnancy and parenting life will help you think through your own.  Much love and all that jazz.

And now... the first trimester:
So first off, the whole way we count our weeks of pregnancy drives me up a wall.  That first trimester you're thinking "I'm X weeks pregnant, but it's only Y weeks from conception" any time you look things up.  It just gives me a headache.  And if you were charting when you got pregnant, then you have the added bonus of knowing exactly when you ovulated, and that just makes everything more interesting - especially if your due date based on that date doesn't match up with all the doctor charts, etc.  Try not to let it drive you too crazy.

And don't stress about your lifestyle before you found out you were pregnant - very little will harm the itty bitty egg during that phase, so unless your doctor TOLD you to be worried, don't be worried.

My suggestion is to pick up a couple of pregnancy books that jive with your personality - the "What to Expect" line is NOT the only option out there.  I REALLY liked the "Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy".  But really, I didn't read ANY pregnancy book cover-to-cover.  I looked up things that bugged me or that I had questions about.  Afterwards, I thought that it might have been nice to be better informed in the beginning, so next time I probably will try to read one cover to cover.  There are some things that it's really nice to know from the beginning.

That first trimester is hard - you're exhausted.  You might be nauseous - or if you're like me, you aren't throwing up but the thought of any raw vegetable makes you green and you feel just kind of unsettled.  Try NOT to go overboard on the carbs though - set some good habits now and they'll be easier to keep later, when that entire chocolate cake looks REALLY GOOD (and maybe then you'll be able to limit yourself to just a slice).  And even though you're tired, try to keep your activity level up just a little - so that it's not so hard to pick it BACK up when you get the energy back.  Walks are really nice, and have the added benefit of getting you out of the house, maybe even with your partner, giving you a chance to talk about how you're feeling (if they don't know how you're feeling, they can't help you).

Also, if you want to do progressive belly shots, now is the time to start.  We didn't - I'm not too sad about that, but I kind of wish I had.

My biggest piece of advice is actually to try not to get bogged down in all the advice - because people will bog you down with it.  And sometimes it will be offensive to you (for instance I had a friend (who happens to be someone that I like quite a lot) go off on me the night we told her we were expecting about making sure that I still had lots of sex with my husband, because, you know, he has NEEDS.  I am still pretty proud of myself for not telling her off, but really, that sort of thing is no one's business but yours (in conjunction with your partner and doctor/midwife/etc.)).  So when all the well-meaning advice comes your way, try to pick and choose what works for you and let go of what doesn't.  And try not to fight with your friends about it when it doesn't work for you - just let it go and change the subject.

An Update, a Planned Return?

It has been well over a year since I posted here.  What can I say - life happens.  Generally, right after I posted last, M & I found out that we were expecting a baby in the early part of 2012, so things progressively got crazier and crazier.

They're not less crazy now, but I am seriously considering a return to this blog.  Mostly because now that I've been through pregnancy and a few months of parenting, some have asked me for advice, and I feel like I want to put that advice down someplace so that I don't have to re-type it over and over again, and instead, I can just come link to it, and then update it as necessary.  I think the blog might just be a good place for that.

And well, maybe it will inspire me to write more - other things for public consumption.

We had Quinton on January 29th, 2012.  He's seven and a half months old now, and he's extremely cute, if I may say so, myself.  We're pretty lucky.  Riley is finally bonding with him, too, and it warms my heart to see (even if some of her ideas of "play" make me nervous sometimes...). 

I'm back at work, and while I miss being home with Q all day, I do love my job.  I wish I could find some way to work part time and be a SAHM part time, but Mike is now in school full-time, so that goal is at least a few years off while I'm the primary bread-winner in the house.