[Not-Advice] The Last Trimester of Pregnancy or The Home Stretch

Ok, so this is when I actually started thinking about the end of pregnancy and the start of Mom-Hood.  Even though I look back on it and wish that I had thought about it before, I didn't, really.

All the standard newsletter advice that I got was pretty useful for me: take a birthing class, take parenting classes if you never babysat, write a birth plan,start prepping your house for the baby, etc.  Yep, do those.

I won't say much about the third trimester itself, but I do want to share a few things.  It's a lot to think about, yes, but these are the important things that I took away from my first birth that I would do differently (or would do just the same way) with the next one.

1. Consider getting a Birth Doula. Back in the days of our parents, Doulas didn't really exist.  Your doctor or midwife and the nursing staff was right there with you and (hopefully) your partner for the majority of the labor and delivery process.  You didn't really NEED doulas then.  Now, however, your doctor might check on you a few times during the labor process, but you probably won't see them much until it's time to push.  Midwives are likely much more active in the process (I didn't have one), but unless you talk through that with your midwife ahead of time, you shouldn't expect them to be with you every second.  And the nursing staff?  Well, they have your safety in mind, not necessarily your comfort and happiness.

What does a Doula give you? Well, they give you an on-the-spot resource for you and your partner through every moment of labor.  Before they show up in person, they help you on the phone.  And once they're there, they're your cheering section, your guide, another partner, a reference book, and a stand-in for the warm fuzzy feelings your mom gives you (without the drama or heartache - as my mom said - "It's VERY hard to watch your child in pain.  I'd rather not be there unless you need me to be there.").  Our hospital has a doula program where you only had to pay $350.00 for 10 hours of doula time (and $45/hour thereafter).  That is a STEAL.  And since our doula had worked with the hospital forever, they all knew her and loved her (which also meant that she smoothed a lot of things over for me and that was awesome).

2. Think about After-Care.  Is your husband/partner staying home from work with you for a few days, weeks, or months?  If he (or she, but for ease of typing, I'll just say he) can't, think about getting help - either from your support network or from a postpartum doula.  I was lucky and I had all the help I could handle for BabyQ - Mike stayed home for 2 weeks, and then a good friend gifted me two weeks of postpartum doula care, and then my sister came out to visit for a week, and then I had my mom...  I also felt that for my sanity, it was important to balance having help with figuring out how to do it on my own.  I needed to feel capable just as much as I needed the extra set of hands.  But I'd strongly advise thinking through who might be able to help you out during those first few weeks of post-partum care ahead of time.  And DON'T be afraid to ask for help.

 3.  Think about the Hospital Stay.  If you're giving birth at home or a birthing center, this does not apply to you. :-)  If, however, you do give birth in a hospital, think about what you want to get out of your stay.  You'll be there for two to five nights on average (two for a vaginal birth, five for a c-section), and I felt like I didn't get as much as I could have out of that time.  Next time, I'll think ahead.  First - get a dougnut (to sit on) right away.  You don't have to use it, you may not need it, but I find that it's great to have if you want it.  Second - all those supplies they give you in the hospital for YOUR care (cream, wipes, pads, disposable underwear, even a sitz bath), you can to take home.  The hospital bills your insurance for them as part of your stay and it's really nice not to have to run to the store for them.  Also, ask your hospital to have your prescriptions filled for you before you leave - most have a pharmacy attached that you can get concierge service from.  Ours was run by Walgreens.  I paid a co-pay, and they delivered it to my room.  That was awesome.  Last, and MOST IMPORTANT, if you decide to breastfeed (or think you even want to try it), get as much time/help as you possibly can from the hospital lactation consultants.  Some hospitals send the LC on rounds to you, others make you ask for them.  ASK FOR THEM!  Have them help you.  Ask all the questions you can think of.  Get them to show you multiple holds (even if you've found one that is working for you) - especially reclined holds and lying down holds.  Our LC even gave me extra tubes of lanolin and the cooling gel pads for my nipples, which was AWESOME.

Also - if you feel like they jipped you on the food, don't be afraid to call and ask for more food.  Seriously.

4.  Think ahead about that First Night Home.  So you packed your hospital bags? Great.  Also think about that first night home, and prepare for that, too, just like you would for a hospital stay.  A couple of easy to prepare meals that won't go bad in your fridge, extra diapers/wipes/clothes.  Ibuprophen.  Set up the pack n play, bassinet, co-sleeper, etc, so that you don't have to do it when you get home.  Put your car seat in your car ahead of time.  (We left it in our car for the last month of my pregnancy.)  And for anything else, there is Amazon's two-day shipping - feel free to shop from the hospital and it will be waiting for you when you get home. :-)

Well, now that I've written all the pregnancy "Not-Advice" that I can initially think of, at least in order to create a placeholder, I figured I'd give an update into the real-life.  (The last trimester post is scheduled in the next few days.)

I made a guest post over at ShrinkGeek about my journey back to fitness in my postpartum body.  It's just an introduction.  I'll be posting more about that journey over there, as it progresses.

BabyQ is extremely adorable right now.  It's an awesome age - he is just starting to wave, and selectively give kisses, and it's all very cute.  He is also really enjoying rattles and anything else he can use to make noise (as evidenced by this photo stream from the other night, with Mike's snare drum).

[Not-Advice] The Second Trimester of Pregnancy

So you've made it through the first trimester.  That's the worst when it comes to statistical risk of loss, and maybe at this point you've started telling people about the fact that you're expecting.  You might have started to show and are finding it harder to hide it.

On hiding it/showing it/etc: For some reason EVERYONE wants to be the person who "knew you were pregnant" before you told them.  I think I've done it to friends, and goodness knows, MANY friends did it to me.  It will probably IRRITATE THE HELL OUT OF YOU, or at least it irritated the hell out of me.  Looking back on it, I did give some "hints" away and here are the things that worked/didn't work:
- start wearing looser clothes before you get to the point where you NEED to wear looser clothes - mix it up with tighter clothes so that as you gradually shift to all looser items no one notices as much.
- all "maternity" clothes are OBVIOUS to anyone who has ever worn them.  So even if you think you can get away with it, it's a sure signal to someone who is watching you.
- be SNEAKY about alcohol use - if you normally have a glass at dinner, not having a glass will be obvious.  I had lots of "migraines requiring medications" early in my pregnancy, and M and I did a lot of glass-switching.  I also took non-alcoholic beer to parties and put it in a beer cozy.
- in the end, at least half of the people who tried to tell you "they knew it!" really didn't.  Fume about it to your partner, gripe, but remember that they couldn't have really known unless they asked you - they just suspected.

Other things to start doing in the second trimester:
Really, this is the trimester where you are SUPPOSED to feel the best.  If you have no other kids, this is the best time to get in those baby-moons - you'll feel the best, be able to sleep in strange places the best, and enjoy them the best.

Also, start watching the deal sites for maternity clothes and other things: babysteals.com, mamabargains.com, zulily, totsy.  Those are the biggies.  Maternity clothes are EXPENSIVE, and my advice to you is to try to borrow them if you can, and get them at a discount if you can't.  Some Ross's carry them, and some kids consignment stores do, too.  Otherwise, you might find them at Goodwill.  A couple of high quality items to wear out for baby showers and nice dinners will make you feel tons better when you're in the thick of the pregnancy.